This One Is About Porn

First, an anecdote: When I was younger, I told my parents I was going to see XXX in theaters with my sister. They were surprised to say the least and told me that "Triple X" meant something else to them. To me, it meant Vin Diesel.

I begin this post while occasionally tuning into a new sitcom with the girl who played on Clarissa Explains it All on Nickelodeon; I feel like this goes against some moral obligation to my own childhood. And to old Nickelodeon. Old Nickelodeon was the best, wasn't it? Man...Rugrats. Tommy could do everything with a screwdriver! I remember being seriously concerned about Tommy and the gang making it across the perilous asphalt desert that was the basketball court. I was also very concerned about "no-shadow time" unlike many of the adults around me. Despite the sheer terror I experience, I managed to take away some very valuable advice about the sun. 1. Don't play basketball in the sun. Or ever, really. 2. Wrap your t-shirt over your head to avoid complete disintegration. This particular piece of information comes in very handy when, during the few sunny months the MidWest has to offer, I step outside to burn. At least my head doesn't burn. I also remember being afraid of two very specific episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark. The one with the pool and the one with the little demon in the pictures. That's really all I care to go into. Still too soon.

I really liked Rocket Power, too. Those kids made me feel that I could skateboard and/or rollerblade really well if I wanted to, or if I had a cool gang to do it with. They, to this day, have made me want to learn to surf (again, probably very easy by the looks of it), and Otto was so totally rad that if he were real, I would totally want him to be my boyfriend. Totally. He and I would be a perfect match because once, on the show, Otto went snowboarding and he had a really bad time because he broke his leg and his let down his dad. Once, I went snowboarding, and I had a really bad time too because I fell down at the top of a damn mountain and was left there by my so called "fiance" and had to pick my sorry, broken ass up off the precipice of death and ride back down all alone while trying to see through the tears that were slowly filling up my goggles (no one could tell, though, because I have those really cool goggles that are reflective on the outside so you can't see my eyes and are therefore intimidated by the mad skills that I must inherently have and also because what you cannot see, you fear).

But more recently than both Clarissa Explains it All or my battle with gravity, the boy decided to hijack our friend's laptop and fill it full of porn of the male, heterosexual persuasion, and set his background to porn, and rename all of his programs and files to something with porn in the title, such as Internet Porn or MMO RPG Porn, or My Porn Music, MS Office Porn, etc.

This caused our friend to get proactively angry and threatening. The boy had to go back and do a system recovery from about a month ago to get everything back to normal, and take all the porn that wasn't already on there, off. Apparently XXX doesn't mean Vin Diesel to everyone.